life like a show

jusnow i watched finish 'tang xin feng bao 1'
quite many part of the drama, i felt sad
i wanna cry, but im not
much feeling suddenly appear from my soul, brain, heart ..
maybe my omg and I r in the same situation wif the drama
maybe ..
maybe ..
will think myself, izit im think too much ?
or coz of my geist ?
i drop down my tear
i suddenly feel veri suffer to tgt wif him
inside the drama, the actor said a sentense,
'we jus tok wif frens, anyhow find a job to do,actually wont reduce our unhappiness so easy ..
but actually is we write a diary or blog jus can decrease our stress, depressed ..'
im agree wif him
i noe that nobody can share wif me
i duno y, im not so noe myself
even my best fren oso canot ..
everytime after write the blog, i will relief and my mood will become better
i kip falling of tear while i write this blog
actually i duno i still love him onot
but i noe when i brk wif him that time
i was not so sad
i duno was i no feeling d ? got use to it d ? or my heart to him lessen d ?
im not so sure
i jus noe i still will veri miss him
i duno y now he cant accept to sms to each other wif 'miss u, love u, muacks ..'
i everyday so miss him, but i oso nided to tell him,'k la, u go do ur thg bah ..'
actualli this replied veri 'fake'
but i canot no say so
if not he will think im veri noisy or disturb him
last time, he can
maybe last time he in forced ? ho .. ho .. ( forced smile ) duno ?
actually he nvr say the 3 words,
' I LOVE U '
sincerely again for this time tgt
jus one time at PJ, we walked back home, he suddenly said that 3 words
i was touched by him
he 1st time said that 3 words !
now, im veri fluster
i duno wad decision shld i make
i got think to realli realli brk for long time ago d
but i noe i realli realli veri reluctant to brk
in the drama, the actor tgt wif 2 gals in same time
after the actress noe, she was so sad and brk wif him
but they finally tgt back again, she 4gave him
after that brk again coz of she noe that
'the gal'
that tgt wif him is her best fren
she canot accept it, so she choose to brk and no longer tgt d
no matter how good he treat her, but coz of one time of blunder, it is canot b 4give
if is me, i admit im oso the same
even we tgt veri sweet d, but actually my heart sometimes will suspect him
izit he at another place got new gf ? fall in love to other gal ?
last time i oso got suspect him
when im not at penang, izit he still contact to his ex ? find her ?
my heart is veri veri veri pain
coz of he lied me and nvr tell me sth that b a gf nided to noe
so i suspect him few time
im not dunwan trust him
i noe couple shld believe to each other
but wad he did and wad his action, i still can believe him ?
i duno how to describe the feeling
i noe .. im stupid
i fall in love to a guy that i shld not love and maybe he not so love me ?
i oso feel weird
we b couple
y we canot honest to other and if got anythg jus tell to each other ?
i still nid to write a blog to tell him ? i canot understand
r we tgt ? im in suffering
i noe .. sometime some decision nid to make and relationship nid to make it clear
i got think ..
after 2 yrs is my degree course
i sure will leave penang ..
i better dun be reluctant to leave d
i mus leave it free and easy
i duno wad my omg's think
i noe i veri noe him
but sometime i oso duno wad he was thinking and he nvr tell me too
i dun like he always kip kip kip in his heart
i duno am i his gf
when i said,'no contact, brk ..'
he always noe to say,'respect u,respect ur decision'
i hv enuf of this thg
i dunwan delay and ignore this thg again
i nid to do 'final decision' d
hais
i gona slp at 4am (30/8 midnite)
continue type again ......
(30/8 morning)
wk up at around 12pm+
i feel tired
my body tired, my heart oso tired
i realli feel we not couple
i everyday scare he at other place will tgt wif other gal
coz he lied me many times d
always suddenly gv me a big 'surprise'
let me suddenly noe he went to genting wif his frens and ex gf
i noe maybe they nth, jus fren, jus bcoz of his fren's gf got go, so his ex gf sure folo them
i oso noe he scare i will dislike and unhappy
so he kip from let me noe
jus told me his fren organised this trip
got his frens and his fren's gf
i better dun go tgt, coz i duno them at all
but after that he oso posted in friendster, how can i duno ?
who am i ? i canot angry ? i canot jealous ? i canot say her bad thg ?
i duno ..
his fren's gf can go, but y i canot ?
if not he posted the pic they capture at genting
i wont noe this thg 4eva and eva
im not so small gas, until now still take out this topic
but he realli hurt me much
that time i saw the pic, my heart realli pain realli pain
y he canot thinking of my feeling ?
he let me noe earlier will b better than i noe by myself and so suddenly
i damn hurted !
and this yr valentine's day, we celebrated tgt
1 day, his ex gf phoned to him while he was bathing
i saw it, sumore still got pic
i duno that time he got put my pic onot
but i noe after that i asked him,'if i help u to ans the phone, wad u think ?'
he directly told me, he would veri angry coz he nid his private
i suddenly veri sad
i told my cousin wad he replied me, i now feel that time
my tok realli reluctantly
actually i shocked he gv me the ans
but coz of that time, i was celebrating my cousin's bday
i could not sad at that day, i could not cry, if not my cousin would sad for me and cried tgt
so i jus try to ignore that
i realli duno which part we still count as couple
except now, when we went out, we holded hand .. he will hug me ..
i noe that when we go out realli like couple
but so wad
like that only count as couple
but in real, sms, phone ..
i wad oso dun dare to tell him, scare he angry me, scare he dislike, scare he dunwan me
i veri concede to him d
i duno y he still not satisfied
lied me one time and one time
dunwan me one time and one time
i realli tired d
i asked him,'u believe me i will do such "stupid thg", since i so suffer ?'
i believe if im not a Pietist
i maybe will ?
coz last time my mum scolded and beat me, i realli used a pair of scissors to hurt myself
i noe he will scare i will realli do so
coz after my cousin's incident
i noe that guys will dun like gals to do so, they cant accept it
so i nvr think again
and wont do too
but i realli sad, depress, sian, no mood, hot-tempered, hurted ..
little by little, i feel veri suffer and tired
i duno y ppl paktoh, ppl happy
but i paktoh like not so happy
maybe i realli nid to gv up
im tired
i dunwan continue d
maybe gv up is a big decision, but i noe i will recover soon
coz for this moment, i still maybe can 4get about him and his thg
i scare longer and longer, i will more miss him and canot 4get him
i duno y .. since i so love him, i still nid to mk this decision to leave him
but nvm, i jus nid to noe in front of me is my future
i nid to study hard
i canot let him effect my study d
i dunwan regret like last time that i studied in form 6 d
i noe i will reluctant to do so, but i believe that i sure can do it
BELIEVE myself is veri important .. !
i brk wif him many times, so this time i canot let myself regret d ..

no mood

ytd my mood still ok
coz ytd was public holiday for election, so i could slp til veri late
i wk up at around 11am
then on9 msn
kean hui asked me wad i was going to do later
i told him that i maybe would study at home or outside(McD)
he told me that he oso wana to study tgt wif me if i chose to go McD
so i confirmed wif him later
then i on9 and ate sth
i finally decided to went McD for study
my cousin said she didn't wan to go for her tuition d
she wanted to study at home
so i no nid to fetch her later
then i asked kean hui to come my hse fetch me, coz i realli lazy wanted to drive
he went to hamid khan wait me, so i drove to there and brought him
then i parked back my car on spot and he fetched me to McD
we went back home at 7pm
then my uncle asked us to go tesco tgt
my 2 cousins actually didn't wan
but after i told them i wanna go, they jus decided to go
so at tesco, we walked and walked
my cousin finally bought the chocolates she wan and tQ me bcoz i walked pass the chocolate department
if not she couldn't found whr was the chocolate
'zzz
wad's the reason she thx to me! lols
i captured them from behind, hehe ..

'look like my little cousin was playing wif the trolly'

'after back from tesco, i captured one xD'

then today ..
i wanna wk up in the morning, but abit sian
then my fren--stella sms me and told me she did'nt wan to attend practical class d
so i oso didn't wanna go
i slpt until 11am again, lols
on the way to tarc
i emergency break at the traffic light of greenlane
swt, damn dangerous!
coz that time i abit rush
then i drove quite fast
but suddenly i saw traffic light was turn to yellow
so i quickly stepped on break
then my thg all flied into front
my japanese bread oso break d
made my car dirty T___T
after reached tarc, i walked into comp lab
in class, i abit bored
coz i sitted alone wif my fren's fren
bcoz of my fren that always sit wif me din come
but nvm, i could concentrate on lecturer's teaching
after class, i ate wif my fren at canteen
then i drove back to home
on the way, got a car drove veri near me at the batu ferringgi road
that driver realli crazy
he din c me drove veri fast? he still wanted to get over me
i omos knocked into his car d
that time i realli scared if i realli bumped into his car
hais
after back home, my cousin asked me that could i 2mr fetch her to cut her hair
i damn sian d
she suddenly asked me that
i directly rejected her
i told her that i'll going to absent for my IT class to fetch her back home d
she still wanted me to fetch her to 'hair impression', prangin mall to cut hair
i could not understand her
she how old? y always went to such expensive hair saloon to cut hair?
she jus a PMR student, y dun jus go to the normal shop to cut hair?
i veri veri sian
so i went to slp

hais

actually i realli veri miss my omg
wad i msg to him, i realli hope that my omg oso can reply me wif a 'muacks, love u, miss u..'
but he nvr, so i oso dunwan to tell him lo
im gal mah, sure shame to say so
and i always msg him wif 'muacks, miss u, sayang..'
i duno he like onot, he nvr tell me too

hais

i hope that he can wad oso tell me
coz im not the worm inside his stomach
i can veri noe him.. understand him..
but sometimes he nvr tell me, how i noe?
like that day he actually wanted to go to Tesco, E-gates there bought sth
but coz of i told him, i nth to buy
then he jus said,'we back home bah'
i after that jus knew he that time got abit disappointed
i hope that we can honest and candor to other
then we jus count as couple
if we duno each other, still r couple?
sob T_________________T

hais

'after back to home, anyhow capture one =[ fake face, sob'

a nice day ? duno

today is a nice day ?
today i lost face in DKD hall
my lecturer called my name and asked me to ans a question
i veri nervous, coz i nided to ans in front of so many ppl
so i quickly turned over to the page that was my ans
i found it, but i abit didn't noe how to ans
but my fren at side told me abit of the ans
so when i wanna ans
i wonder my another classmate 'bla bla bla ..' ans all of my question
wad i still nided to ans ? all he ans d
my lecturer told me that i didn't nid to ans d
coz she liked waiting veri long
but .. wad i wanna ans oredi answered by that stupid classmate d
wad i shld ans her ?
that time i realli angry lo
actuali i can ans but he not me and answered all
mk me lost face in hall
realli damn angry him
i sms to my zhu dar
he wrote de msg made me laugh
he wrong typed lunch as dinner then sent me 2nd msg,'oops, is lunch'
hahas, i knew was his incaution only but made me laugh d
i felt warm ~*
then when hubungan etnik class
when my classmates were trying to ask lecturer about the exam thg
maybe abit noisy
but ppl were asking thg, he again ..
smacked the table to stop we asked, he felt we too noisy
then he continue asked lecturer thg
wad the hell izit ? he wan asked lecturer thg, but we canot ?
last time i still tot he veri nice, now i realli chg my mind, he is an idiot!

after sch, i still got a bit nice mood, i captured some pics
syok nia ..























but hais
jusnow my cousin asked me to fetch her back 2mr
i veri sian
coz 2mr is penang public holiday
i din go to tarc
so canot fetch her back
if i nid to fetch her, i nid use 20min to reach there, 20min to back home
she jusnow told me that my aunt said,"im staying at their hse, she nvr asked me to pay any, so i mus help her, at least can help her to fetch them from tuition or go tuition."
i damn tired wif this
i noe ..
im living under their roof, but even how they oso canot force me like this?
not even waste my oil, but oso my time
if i that time going out wif my fren? im studying?
i always nid to plan again my time to fetch them, i abit tired d
so im a bit regret to stay here d
better fast fast finish my tarc life at penang le!
Freedom!

slacking Sunday

ytd b4 slp, i felt dizzy
then after my ' neighbour ' closed the wireless, i jus went to slp
i lied on bed, damn dizzy
my brain and inside my eyes like @@@@@
kip rounded and rounded ..
then actuali i tot wan drink a cup of milo, maybe will better
but after i lie on bed, realli lazy to wk up d
so continue to slp
luckily i was slping ' in peace ' ( hahas .. cursing myself -.- )
another lucky was today morning i could wake up by myself easily
i tot i would lie on bed didn't wan wk up lo
while my little cousin was bathing, i still lie on bed .. hahas
then i quickly to wk up and bathed after she was done
today was my 1st day to wear violet contact lenses oh
abit excited!
reached pak cheng bo ( padang tembak, pg )
we opened shop fast fast, ate brkfast, looked after of shop ..
a 3-yr-old cute gal came to my aunt's shop wif her mum
she was cute
and my little cousin kip helped her to capture some pics
and i captured the pics we 3 took tgt

"she is cute, right? hahas"

"she seem like my sister onot? hehe (shameless?;P)"


"realli nth to do at the noon .."
"capture in front of my aunt's shop"

after 2pm, my aunt told me she was going to close her shop d
then we jus closed the shop at around 3.30pm
b4 my aunt left her shop, she still got sth that nid to manage
so i played wif my hp and kip captured some pics ..

"im catching my little cousin, wuahaha(evil laughing ..)"


"look like a lonely kid .. -.-||"


"aiyo .. look so emo 1"

a sunny and a rainy day

The meaning of my title actuali not so realli related wif the weather
but abit related oso la .. ah haha ..
my heart jus same like the weather
my mood awhile good .. awhile bad
today at 8.10am morning, he sent a msg to me said that he at jetty d
i replied him,'ok, u crful ya, at Perlis mus rmb drink water, muacks, tatas..'
he oso replied wif a *kiss and tatas to me
i busy wif my preparation b4 went to tarc
while i was in the journey to tarc, in car,
i sms to him,'i will miss u and missing u, jy in ur exam'
he nvr replied me wif missing me but jus tq for my support on his exam
izit he was no missing me ? i duno
i was abit disappointed
i rushed into DKD hall
lecturer was shouting out the name who nid to attend for the make good test
luckily i was not the one
afternoon after class, i drove back home
i sms him again, ask him,'Reach d ?', he replied wif a 'ya'
then i started to think .. if we continue to tgt, HOW ?
i sms him to ask him so, he scared he will hurt me in future
and he said if he realli at local U like a gal, he promised to tell me
i suddenly felt weird, this was wad i wan ?
i tot NOPE ?
coz like this whr got promise ? ( although he promised me )
my future was scaring i will lose him in anytime ?
not he promise to wont ' fall in love ' to someone else ?
i felt i sweetly pity .. SIGHHHHhh .. !!
annoyance !!
y our relationship so COMPLICATED one ?
veri sian about it
wan continue tgt wif him ? but he like this
dunwan continue tgt wif him ? but i reluctant to leave him
HAISSSSS ... !